There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
