If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
