I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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