are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
