when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
