I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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