a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
