he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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