i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
