If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
