Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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