he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
