you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
