her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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