I wish i was in the wii world.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
