Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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