Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
