When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
