You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize