Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
