We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
two words...techno handjob
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize