Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
