My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
