I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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