dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
