Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
