Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
