i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
