sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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