Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
smell my finger.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize