two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
