A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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