As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
