I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize