my sisters under your porch take her home
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
