So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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