you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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