Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
