so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
