I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
