I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
