i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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