Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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