Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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