dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
