he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
