Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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