I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
