I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize