if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
