i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
