Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
