non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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