Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
