Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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