Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
