She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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