You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
