Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
