how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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