I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
