I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
