Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
