you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
