If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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