dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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