I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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