my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
