dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
