I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
