phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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