I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize