I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
