That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
