I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
