I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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