i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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