Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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