I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
