I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
