And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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