rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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