walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wear drunk well.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
