STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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