I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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