He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
