drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
