oh god the rape fog is back!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
These tits shall not be calmed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
