Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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