Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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