It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
