areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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