Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
