FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
