Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
