Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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