you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
