have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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