ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
