im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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