I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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