is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize