ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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