he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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