I smell stomach acid.
I could make wine with my vomit
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
