i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize