Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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